Monday, February 7, 2011

Holding doors

Holding open the door for someone. An age old tradition. Gentlemen do it for their dates, boy scouts do it for old ladies, and if you're in public, people are generally expected to do it for each other.

Screw that.

I prefer to hold the door for someone far away, for an obscenely long time, making them nervous and often times causing them to sprint for the open door out of some sort of social obligation to keep you from holding it too long, only to slam it suddenly shut. Now they're out of breath from running over, and they still have to open their own door. Today I got some poor sucker so bad he literally stood there staring at the door for a good five seconds. That that, ya jerk.

16 comments:

  1. i dont get it. why is he a jerk?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I do that then beat the shit out of them when they get inside

    ReplyDelete
  3. oh god my face hurts hahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  4. looool. A+ story. would read again.

    ReplyDelete
  5. haha, the worst is the awkward moment at a double door where you hold the door for someone coming in and they hold it for you to come out...i like your idea, screw em

    ReplyDelete
  6. holding doors open is in the past, all automatic nowadays

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lol I do that too. It's fun to watch people run for a held door.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Social obligation my ass! I do that and say to them "open the doors yourself, ya pussy!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahaha. Your posts are really quite something else.

    ReplyDelete
  10. haha thats so messed up though

    ReplyDelete
  11. HAHA!! Hurry the hell up! *closes door*

    ReplyDelete
  12. Somehow taking a kind gesture and making it irritating. Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hahaha, good idea with holding and then closing :D

    ReplyDelete