Monday, February 21, 2011

My computer is kaput. Windows XP has failed me again. It seems even the antagonist can be antagonized sometimes.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Valentine's Day

V-Day just passed, and with it a million opportunities. I hope you all took great advantage! Something as simple as giving a terrible gift, to breaking up with your significant other, or even forgetting the holiday altogether will all work wonders in infuriating that special someone. They'll think twice before sharing their life with you again!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Children in restaurants

Nothing spoils a good meal out with friends or a loved one like a noisy brat at the other table. Whether they're crying, running around, making a mess, or being ugly, they're a quick way to lose your appetite in a hurry. I fully intend to adopt the noisiest children possible, or perhaps borrow them from friends when they aren't looking, and proceed to order them the sloppiest meal imaginable, then ignore their pleas for attention. Hey, that's pissing off the kids, too! It's like killing two birds with one stone, one of them being an infant bird.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Doctor's Offices

Always a place of irritation, sitting in line at the doctor's office is a long-standing tradition amongst Americans and a prime location to add to others' agitation to relieve your own. Your phone is an important tool for this. Read off of it to yourself and laugh loudly and obnoxiously, leave the ringer on and take a long time to answer calls, or for maximum points, accept a call and just sit there loudly babbling on about nonsense. For a bonus, talk at length about disgusting or awkward things, like that weird rash you're in to see the doctor for.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Your morning commute is a great way to annoy people. Ever catch that guy going 40mph in the carpool lane? The guy who waits five seconds to react to every light? Ever think he's doing it on purpose? :D

Monday, February 7, 2011

Holding doors

Holding open the door for someone. An age old tradition. Gentlemen do it for their dates, boy scouts do it for old ladies, and if you're in public, people are generally expected to do it for each other.

Screw that.

I prefer to hold the door for someone far away, for an obscenely long time, making them nervous and often times causing them to sprint for the open door out of some sort of social obligation to keep you from holding it too long, only to slam it suddenly shut. Now they're out of breath from running over, and they still have to open their own door. Today I got some poor sucker so bad he literally stood there staring at the door for a good five seconds. That that, ya jerk.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Woke up late today. Got next to no sleep. Someone's going to pay for this, and damned if it's going to be me. Time to take my stress out on an unsuspecting world.